It’s been a long week already and it’s only “hump” day. My project goes live next week so I am camping at the office most nights and will probably be working this weekend too. Needless to say, the only time I get to exhale is when I leave the office for lunch. If I don’t leave I’ll have spent like 11 hours in the same building (which is fine if that building is an indoor water-park or a strip club; but not if it’s your office). So, I go out for lunch.

We’re on the fifth floor so I take the elevator down. No one is on the elevator with me which means I get that moment to breathe without having someone else around. By the time I reach the ground floor I’m looking forward to leaving. Getting some fresh air. Seeing what the sun looks like. The “ding” of the approach floor lets me know the doors will open. Naturally, I step to the front of the ‘vator. Right in front of the doors. No one else is in the box with me so I’m not being rude. The doors part and as I make my initial move to vacate the car…some pot-bellied santa wannabe is standing right in front of the doors. In the center. As the doors open, he starts to enter. Never mind I’m inside the small room trying to get out. Now, normally when I come face to face with someone…say in a hallway or at a urinal, I’m more than happy to step to one side. Mutter the obligatory “Pardon Me” and go about my merry way. Instinct started to kick in. And then it dawned on me, Tommy Two Tummies has the whole frickin’ hallway to wait/move to. I have 12.5 cubic feet with no alternative exit. So screw him. I’ve been caged in my office. I’m hungry. And technically I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY DAMMIT! If for no other reason than that’s the only way I can go. So screw him. I look him in the eye and step forward forcing his girth to the left. I’m not going to be bullied back into an elevator just because some lard-ass doesn’t have any manners. I just looked at him. He didn’t say anything; not a “pardon me” or an “excusez-moi” not even an acceptable “oops” followed by nervous laughter. He just waddled onto the elevator.

Needless to say, that pissed me off. I mean, how rude do you have to be to not let someone OFF the elevator. It’s one thing not to let them on. It could be full. You could be late. They could smell of cheese. Lots of reasons. But there are NONE for stopping them from leaving it!

It was very off putting and nearly ruined my lunch.