GrinchOk, so anyone who’s known me for at least a 12 month period knows that I am not a fan of this time of year. I view the time of year after Halloween and before New Years a lot like a I view Jagermiester, nothing good ever happens once it’s begun.

Now, before you get on your box of Tide and start pointing out all the holiday cheer and Charlie Brown specials, let me rebut by saying bullshit. Well, that may not be emphatic enough. What I meant to say was BULLSHIT! All of the Christmas specials talk about how man’s goodness will overcome any type of travesty so long as we all embrace the holiday spirit and love our fellow man. (And before you feminist start throwing Oil of Olay, I’m using Man in the generic sense describing all of the human race. Not just those of us with a penis.) Love for one another does not exist on the grand scale. If capitalism has taught me nothing it’s that it’s best to screw the other guy if it helps you (oh, and if you aren’t competitively priced, you’re out of the game). Go to any mall or Wal-mart and you’ll see man’s love in action. People push you, they’re rude and if someone in some way inconveniences them, they get angry.

Did you see the story about the guy who was shot while trying to acquire a new Playstation 3. SHOT!?! Who would shoot another person over a video game? Or on a less lethal scale, just look at all the women driving gigantic SUVs to the mall. If you feel compelled to own a Hummer even though you never drive on anything other than pavement (and apparently hate Gaia) then you should have to park in the North 40. The Target by where I live is in an “L” shaped strip mall. Along the length of the “L” is a row of parking spots labeled “Compact” for those of us who drive small cars (and actually care that the fossil fuels are depleting). A small but nice reward for our civic consciousness. So, I pull in last week and guess who’s parked in the “Compact” section? Some rich bitch in her velvet sweatsuit taking up two spaces with her hummer. TWO! And not one of the new “smaller” H3 Hummers mind you; the real deal. I didn’t have the luxury of watching her park her behemoth but I did get to see her try to leave. She actually had to lean out either window and fold in the mirror of the cars next to her so she wouldn’t scrape them as she exited. It’s not like there weren’t several spaces open if she was willing to walk the extra 40 feet to put her Tonka out of the way. But Noooo!

I could go on and on with examples of people treating others like shit merely because they were in the way or didn’t have time to deal with it. So before you start getting excited about the “best time of the year”, take a look around. See how your fellow man is treating each other. And for gods’ sake, don’t get in line in front of me!

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